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Unconditional Love

My list of angels and superheroes could never be complete without the special place that Omar, Daniela, and Martin, as well as their mom and dad, my uncle Pedro and my aunt Pierangela had in my life.  They are my cousins, but in reality they are so much more than that.  Truth is, I tried to write this piece so many times, but words are not enough to express my immense gratitude to them.

Daniela and me

My childhood and my life in general were simply made better because of them.  Around them, we were just a family.  We were not special, different, and didn’t need to be “accommodated.”  Life was simply life.  Love was simply love.  And my youngest brother with disabilities was their cousin too. They saw him for who he was.

Daniela and Martin

They presented a micro social experiment of what could be possible.  They presented an alternative. I felt safe.  I felt understood.  I felt heard.  And what’s more important, I felt that my little brother was a person first.  When I was growing up, it was not uncommon for people to see disability first, then, perhaps, the person behind it.

Omar and Daniela

At my cousins’ house this was not the case.

Daniela with my brother Fernando

To Omar, Daniela, Martin, and my late uncle Pedro and late aunt Pierangela, THANK YOU.

Daniela and Martin
Thank You!
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Carrying My Mother’s Bags

Personal Stories Series

My brother, Fernando, was born when I was 7 years old. As I remember, my mother suspected that there was something wrong all through her pregnancy, although she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. To her, something just didn’t feel right.

Her fears were partially confirmed when she had to have an emergency C-section at 7 months gestation. And it didn’t stop there. She continued to observe how this child, her third, would not walk when he was expected, or talk when he was supposed to. My parents did all they could to make sure that they visited the every specialist or doctor that they were recommended by well-meaning people.

At that time, and where we lived, there was no early intervention, or good special programs. My parents had to fend for themselves. My father worked as much as he could, as many hours as it was humanly possible, to supply what the family needed.

I remember very clearly when my parents tried to get speech/language services for my brother. It was just a gamble whether the insurance would pay or not. Most times, my parents ended up paying out of pocket, and barely able to cover one or two sessions a week.

There is a clear picture in my head of my mother, holding my brother, who was a big 2 year old boy at the time, while we were travelling by bus to make it to the therapy center. No one would give up their seat. I guess, in their minds, they could not figure out why a seemingly healthy child would not stand up and hold the bars. What they didn’t know was that my brother had just recently started walking and was quite unsteady on his feet.

I accompanied my mother on many of these trips. It was just impossible for her to carry my brother, who was a quite robust 2 year old, and all the bags she needed for essentials. She tried to schedule appointments when I was available so that I could help. I remember clearly carrying my mother’s bags. And I remember clearly my mother carrying my brother.

To this day, I can clearly see how my mom continues to “carry” my brother, in every aspect of his life. And I, for one, do my best to try to help her with her bags. Love you Mom!

Thank you.

My mom with my brother Fernando in 1979
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Recommended Products and Activities

Hello families out there! Welcome to the new section of this blog for Recommended Products and Activities that are useful and relevant for our families!

One of the most frequent questions that I get asked, and very often, is what kinds of products I recommend to optimize children’s learning.  Of course, I have an arsenal of answers, depending on the child’s needs and the family’s need. 

I will be dedicating this section of the blog to those products that I find most helpful, and will be talking about tips and strategies related to those products.  And why not, I will also talk about products that I have found useful for PARENTS!  Yes, you busy parents out there!  We will talk about the latest or the most relevant movie, book, and even vacation.  We will talk about activities that you can do by yourselves, to celebrate the incredible families that you are, and activities that you can do as a special family, paying special attention to places that are accessible to our children.

Please check out this section.  Updates will be posted shortly!

Notebook, pencils, watercolor, and scissor
Tips on what to buy and what to do!
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The Ultimate Goal of Education: Learning how to learn!

In my work with young children, I often get asked by caring parents about what goal/s I’m working on with their children.  For the most part, goals are varied and they depend a great deal on 1) the functioning level of the child, 2) the needs of the family.  When working with very young children (0-3 years old), the family is the principal stakeholder. 

But no matter the individual goals and objectives for each child, the main goal of education is to help children become independent so that they can learn for themselves.  College students, for example, will have forgotten over seventy five percent of what they learned in college a few years after graduation (my observation), but they would have learned HOW TO LEARN.  They would have become smart consumers and will know how to keep themselves abreast of the latest developments in their field.  We don’t want physicians that only remember what they learned in medical school!  We want them to keep themselves up on the latest medical news!

Similarly, children (even young children) need to learn how to learn.  How do they do this?  With some individual variables, we can say that most children learn by 1) being shown how to do tasks (commands or play), 2) being given the opportunity to repeat those tasks, even if they make mistakes, 3) and providing them with free play time.  This last point is important, as it will be used to reveal how much a child can do by him/herself.

Children need modeling, and strategies and techniques in order to learn from those around them, but they also need space to be able to practice on their own.  Two -year old children have a difficult time sitting for any period of time as it is, and it is not natural to have them sit and pay attention for a long period of time.  This would set an unrealistic expectation for the parent and it would only hurt the chances that the child will be able to learn how to learn.   We need to build in time for children to express themselves.

Next time you wonder what’s the best legacy you can leave for your child, think of yourself as the nest, and of your children as birds who are slowly spreading their wings so that they can fly.  What can you do for them to become more independent?  What does your child like?  What is your child good at?  Does he like to do what he/she is good at or does he/she struggle?  Make sure that when you teach your child about “learning,” you make it look more like play. 

Of course, there will be times when you will feel like you need help, and you should ask for help!  If you have a young child, and need help determining whether your child would qualify for the early intervention program, click here.  If your child is 3 to 21 years old, and you need help determining whether you should request help, and want to know more about help in school systems, contact your child’s school psychologist, or drop me a note at ourspecialvillage@gmail.com.  I will get back to you.

All The Best!

Dr. Klimek.

Two young smiling women in graduation caps and gowns.
Ready to engage with the World!
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“Nothing About Us Without Us”

(Ask US what we want!)

I heard this chant during my city’s Disability Pride Parade and it has been a mantra that has resonated in my ears.  How often do we involve those we influence in life-changing decisions?  I think about this often in the context of my current work.  In fact, I see that this tends to happen quite frequently when the stakeholders are what we would typically associate with disenfranchised groups.

In my current work, I see that the initiative that was put forth by parents in the district was completely diluted and its urgency was minimized by high ranking members of the department that was entrusted with carrying it out.  Likewise, I see that many decisions are made for families, children, adults with disabilities that do not involve those who would be most acutely affected by it.  This has been proven to me, time and time again, by people in decision-making positions, and by special needs families.

What can we do to change this?  This is a huge proposition, no doubt.  However, I always believe that there is strength in numbers.  For starters, it would be a great idea to get involved, participate.  It is easier said than done, I know, especially when many of us hold more than one job to make ends meet.  Find any way to participate possible:  Twitter, email, evening meetings, or any type of social media group that would help you gain perspective.  Second, you can organize, and by this, I mean get together, and reach out to those who need to hear you.  Finally, in the way that it is possible, go out and vote.  Choose candidates that are more likely to hear your concerns.  Remember that your local candidates are the ones who are most likely to influence your local decisions.  Don’t be afraid to ask.

Keep in mind that change takes time, but also remember that we must continue to be heard if we want the powers-that-be to understand how important it is for us to be included in decisions that will ultimately be life-changing for us.  Participation, to the best of our ability, is key.

If you need guidance navigating the turbulent waters of participation, drop me a note.

More to come on this subject.  Stay tuned!

Ask Me First!