All parents feel like they are being judged by friends, family, and sometimes even strangers. In the age of social media, everyone has an opinion about almost everything, and everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your child. It seems that everywhere you look, other parents are perfect while you are not. This leads to feelings of isolation. Typically, parent will continually turn inward when they need to reach out and seek help. Parenting is a community endeavor, but for many parents this can be a very lonely experience.
For special families, the feelings of isolation, of being constantly judged, can be even more pronounced. I have experienced it myself as a parent, as a sibling of a child with disabilities, and I have heard different people, relatives and strangers alike, talk about how flawed my parents were in raising my brother. In their view, they could have done it better.
Truth is, being a parent is a very difficult job. Being a parent is a job that should be accomplished not by parents alone, but by parents supported by their communities. Humans are social animals, and as such, we need to be in contact with one another. Being judged leads to parents behaving in just the opposite way, and it is not conducive to growth, both parental and children’s growth alike.
What should we do when we feel that we are being judged? Should we retreat to ourselves? No matter how strong the urge to retreat may be, we need to remind ourselves that this is not the answer. Reaching out to others, using every “judgment” as a teaching moment, as an opportunity to tell others how it feels, is what we need to figure out. There is an opportunity to teach the world how we want to be seen, not how we want to be judged. There is an opportunity to teach others how to become more inclusive without any need for us to be reclusive.
If you have been isolated for some time, reach out to a friend or a professional. Reach out to an understanding relative. Remember the strength that comes from within you, the love for your child, and the support that can come from a community of people that care.
Please reach out to me if you are in need of guidance!
Love,
Dr. Klimek
