What happens with our aging parent caregivers during quarantine?

My mom, up until recently, lived alone.  What I mean by “alone” is that she was, and still is, the only caregiver for my youngest brother, an adult in his forties with severe developmental disabilities.  My brother needs help with every aspect of daily life.  Unfortunately for both of us, she also lives very far from me.  This put us in a very precarious situation, especially as travel became restricted and tickets were voided.

One question that has repeatedly come to mind (and that my mother has voiced often) is the question of what happens if she gets sick and needs to be completely isolated.  Who would take care of my brother?  And vice versa, what would happen if my brother got sick?  He needs help in many aspects of life:  He cannot prepare food, may need help to eat, go to the bathroom, take a shower, you get the picture.  This question came to the forefront when her entire region was placed on lockdown.  During lockdown, if my mother were to be isolated, no one else could come to her rescue.

In the last couple of weeks I have seen reports from parents who can’t see their children because they work in hospitals and are afraid to be carriers of this virus, or because they, themselves, are sick, and need to be isolated.  I saw a neighbor’s post on social media, where she describes that she and her husband are both infected, and the children are basically fending for themselves.  Good neighbors and local restaurants deliver food to the children so that they don’t go hungry.

My mother was lucky that a cousin decided to temporarily move in with her, and I am forever grateful to her for doing this.  Her region is still on lockdown and it would have been tremendously difficult for her and for me.  For many of us, it is not only the anxiety over the illness but also the anxiety over what happens if isolation is needed that keeps us awake at night.

It has always been my belief that when we live a situation like this for many of us the world only revolves around us and the four walls that enclose us.  It is easy to try to protect what is “us” and “ours” and we tend to forget that it is precisely in times like these that we need to be the most generous, the most neighborly, the most caring, and the most mindful.  These times call for us to reveal the BEST in us.

Thanks to my mother’s cousin, she is not alone, and she can rest assured that in the worst of situations, there will be someone beside her.  If my mother needs to be isolated, my brother will have food on the table and will be able to get assistance for those activities of daily living that would be impossible without her.

My mom and my brother

Are there any other primary caregivers out there who are terrified of being in a similar situation?  I would love to know what you are feeling at this time.  What are your thoughts?

Love in the Times of Covid-19

We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.”  Thich Nhat Hahn

I have always been drawn to Eastern thought, philosophy, and particularly, Buddhism.  I have always believed that in this world, we are all interconnected, and the Buddhist principle of equanimity (we are all equals) represents this belief.  There isn’t an action that we take today that does not have a repercussion in the world somehow.  They call this karma, which is more than what it represents in the colloquial sense of the world.  Karma is cause and effect. 

Buddhist monk looking over at the mountain

We, especially in the Western World, tend to erect these big walls, hide behind them, and call them “me.”  We are individualistic, and to a degree, act to protect this “me” that we believe is separate from everyone and everything else.  Enter the new coronavirus, Covid-19, a microscopic organism that does not need anyone’s permission to enter a region, a country, a body, to remind us of how interconnected we are.  We typically don’t think about how the cup of coffee we drink in the morning connects us to the rest of the world, for example.  Before we even place that little cup in the machine, it was packaged, bought, collected, grown, planted.  We may not think of the farmer in Colombia who planted the seed or collected the coffee beans, but we are connected to them when we drink that morning coffee.

Covid-19, the new coronavirus, has made us think about ourselves, our surroundings, and everyone else in ways that we haven’t before.  Our tendency is to tend to protect the “me” inside of us and push away.  But with this epidemic, I have seen many people tell me that they are willing to sacrifice things they love for the sake of others.  Many people are choosing the wise path.  An action that we take today can affect someone else tomorrow, and when someone is affected tomorrow, in turn will affect ourselves.  This is a difficult choice, but many people are willing to do this so others are not affected.  What a wise, loving choice!

I propose that we choose LOVE and KINDNESS instead of fear.  I propose that we think of the world in terms of US and not in terms of US vs THEM.  I propose that we all write stories so that we can tell the future generations what it was like to live through these times. 

Let me know how you are coping, what you are thinking, and what you see.  If you want to appear on this section please send your story to ourspecialvillage@gmail.com

#Lovingkindness is the answer!

many incense sticks on a bowl of sand