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When I first picked up a copy of this book I expected it to be descriptive of what I have been observing lately: Households where the mom is in charge of everything, in other words, the phenomenon that Dr. Thomas Phelan calls “Manager Mom.” However, I was very pleased to find out that this book includes not only a description of what the phenomenon is, in detail, but also offers many examples and suggestions on dealing with this situation at home.
What is a Manager Mom? In short, it is a mom that does it all: The childcare, the cleaning, the food preparation (which includes buying and cleaning up afterwards), the laundry, the appointments, the after-school activities….You get the picture. How did this happen? How is it that moms are the ones who bear the burden of everything household related? Dr. Phelan refers to the original bond between mother and baby as well as the strong message that has been passed down from generation to generation, from mom to mom, as the culprits for this type of behavior.
In fact, Dr. Phelan calls the strong identification with “mom duties” as Mommy ID, and explains how moms tend to feel a strong sense of guilt when their perceived “responsibilities’ are not taken care of (by them!). This concept was quite enlightening to me as I often hear moms tell me that if they don’t do it all, things don’t get done “right.”
If you feel this way, then this book is for you. If your family falls in what most people call “traditional,” mom takes care of all the responsibilities in the house, whether she works outside the home or not, and dad works outside the home but does not contribute to household duties, then this book describes you. If you are tired of living like this, and would like more “me” time or you are a dad or a partner who would like to be able to make decisions and share the burden of responsibility, then this book is for you.
You will find many actual examples of couples that have moved from what seemed to be the tiring routine of the house to a schema that works for everyone! It is possible!
To pick up a copy of this book, please click here.
As always, if you have any comments or questions, please drop me a note.