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The Toxic Work Environment and PTSD: Triggers

You wake up in the morning and the sound of the alarm already makes you feel sick to your stomach.  You get up anyway, but you have this feeling of unease that you carry around with you as you approach your car and drive to the train station.  While driving, you try to focus on the road, the wonderful sun that is starting to peek out, the trees that are showing their bloom.  Spring is surely approaching.

However, once you park your car and walk towards the train station, something feels awry.  The feel-good emotions that you were able to capture in your car are now gone. The closer you get to the train station, the clearer the feeling becomes again.  You feel nauseated, lightheaded, and just want to run back home.  But you don’t.  You push through your uncomfortable feelings, get on the train, and let it take you one step closer to work.

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Sound familiar?  This used to happen to me all the time.  The alarm clock, the train station, and many other experiences or objects in my life became “triggers,” or associations that my body made with “work.”  The alarm signaled the arrival of a new day, and a new day spent at a place where I would be subjected to constant criticism and walking on eggshells.  The walk to the train station was obviously felt with the doom of an impending day. There were so many objects and experiences that would make me feel downright sad and depressed! Honestly, too many to count: The clothes I wore, the salad I ate, the snow in the morning…

The bad news about triggers is that even after I left that toxic workplace, they still lingered in my body.  My mind could not process the difference between just a regular walk to the train station when I would just be visiting friends, and the sense of dread that I felt every time I had to do this to go to work.  Needless to say, I felt so many triggers throughout the day!  This was specially true the first year after I quit  my toxic job.  I had to get an entire new wardrobe so that I wouldn’t have to wear the same clothes I wore when I went to work.  Every time I looked at them, I felt nauseated.  And I used to love those clothes!  But under the pressure of such a bully boss they took a different meaning.

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The good news is that all of that, little by little, began to change.  I noticed that even though my mind knew that I was no longer in an untenable position (as a matter of fact, I was quite happy and successful in my new life!), my body did not know the difference between my current situation and my past one.  I had to make a true effort if I wanted to break out of this cycle. PTSD does not disappear in a day. I had to consciously train myself to undo the damage that being in that toxic environment had caused. 

I was really up to me to make these changes.  Just like when I decided to walk out on my employer of almost 22 years, this time I enlisted a good dose of truth and courage to see myself on the other side. I know that you can do it to: You can leave your toxic work behind and find your new self on the other side.

Is this happening to you?  Tell me how I can help you.  Leave me a comment, join my Facebook group, or learn more about finally making the decision to leave here.

Best of luck!

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The Toxic Work Environment and PTSD: Why Do I Get Sick So Often?

A toxic work environment can cause PTSD.  Period.  When psychologists first became aware of the set of symptoms that they later described as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), they assigned it to individuals that had been through extreme trauma, such as soldiers coming home from the warzone, or victims of crime.  The more traumatic, the more likely the individual will start feeling these set of symptoms.

This continues to be true today, as many people who go through these traumatic situations tend to later on experience symptoms related to PTSD.  However, in the last few years, psychologists began to see that it is not necessary to have experienced great trauma in order to experience PTSD.  In fact, there are people that are subjected to heightened states of stress and hyper-awareness on a daily basis, and they too experience many of the symptoms that victims of crime had experienced.  Psychologists began to notice that people who had been subjected to bullying can develop PTSD too.

You may be aware of the stories where the bullied individual takes his/her life.  Imagine the amount of stress that that person may have been under.  But bullying is not confined to certain places or certain age groups.  Bullying can happen anywhere and at any age, and if it is happening to you, you shouldn’t feel ashamed.  You should know that there is help and it all starts with recognizing the situation and understanding it so that you can take the steps to leave that situation behind.

Many people who experience a toxic work environment, often because of a bully boss wonder why they get sick so often.  The answer is quite simple.  You may have heard of the “fight or flee” reaction.  It typically means that when your body is under stress, it tends to react to protect you from danger.  Your body does not know the difference between being attacked by a lion and being reprimanded for the tenth time by your bully boss.  Your body thinks it’s under attack and needs to protect your life. 

When your body is constantly under stress, and you feel like you are inside a pressure cooker, your body goes into survival mode and wants to either fight the danger or flee it.  But as you sit in your cubicle, or in your home office, or wherever your place of work happens to be, you realize that you can do neither and your body continues to produce stress hormones.

These stress hormones are there to make you hyper-aware of the situation and to safeguard your life, and even though they are adaptive and very useful when you are in actual danger (as in the example above, when you are about to be eaten by a lion), they are dangerous when you experience them every day.  Your body’s immunity will slowly decrease, and you will start feeling and getting sick much more often than you had in the past.

You may have heard my story before.  I explain a little bit of what happened to me here.  I left that toxic place behind and so can you.  I can assure you that you will be better in the end.  I used to get sad thinking about what I left behind.  Today, my thinking has shifted completely, and I am nothing but thankful for the opportunity that leaving a toxic work environment has brought to my life.

Remember, you can do it too! (Join my free Facebook group right here)

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Are You in a Toxic Work Environment? 5 Signs To Look For.

You are probably exhausted.  You are tired of the constant criticism and sometimes feel like crying when you get home from work.  You have a knot in your stomach every time the train approaches the station for work.  Are you in a toxic work environment?

Chances are, if you are experiencing any of the situations above, you probably are.  In fact, once you start feeling that way, you are most likely already experiencing some of the first signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Learn to recognize the signs of a toxic work environment so that you can plan your exit if you have to.

What are the signs to look for?

  1. Your boss gives you “busy-work” that does not advance an agenda:  One way that bullies exert their influence over their targets is by assigning work of no consequence.  For example, I worked with an employee who was being told that since her grammar was not “up to par,” (neither was her boss’ grammar), she needed to prove, every day, how she would improve her grammar, by reading, training, going to classes.  The employee’s grammar was just fine, but the boss was trying to put her down and assign her something that would not advance her agenda.  The employee was so humiliated by this and other acts that ended up leaving in the end.
  2. Your boss is overly critical.  Does your boss criticize you for small, insignificant things?  I worked with an employee whose boss criticized her for wearing a shirt that was “too big” or “too red.”  I also worked with someone whose boss criticized her for being “too sweet,” (she worked with families and children).  Their bosses sought any excuse to criticize them in order to make them uncomfortable and anxious, not because there was any reason to criticize them at all.
  3. You constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells.  You don’t know what to do as the rules keep changing. You see that certain rules apply to you but they don’t apply to your coworkers.  And there are rules that apply sometimes, and other rules that apply at other times.  You are surrounded by uncertainty, and even though uncertainty is part of life, it is completely maximized at your workplace in order to increase the anxiety levels. 
  4. Rules don’t apply to everyone the same.  Technically, rules should apply to every employee fairly.  In toxic work environments, some rules apply to some employees and not others.  I worked with an employee who had to submit every decision to her boss, who decided whether she could go ahead and implement her decision, or not.  This happened while others in the same position did not have to go through the same procedures. 
  5. You are constantly being accused of “subpar” work.  And this will happen even when you are submitting quality work that gets dismissed, and while other people submit questionable work that gets accepted.  I once sat at a meeting where a boss questioned every single one of the teams’ accomplishments, making fun of the members of the team, and saying that she did not believe that they could have accomplished the goals.  Every single one of the members of that team resigned in protest.

I went through this experience myself.  I experienced it firsthand.  My boss started bullying me precisely when our project was starting to gain recognition and showed the first few signs of success.  It was precisely this success that led to myself and my team to be the targets of a boss that only cared about her own standing in the organization. 

If you have identified some of the signs above in your own work situation, you are probably in a toxic workplace.  Do you want to know more about my experience and how I was able to get out of it?  Do you need help identifying the situation and need help planning the exit?  Follow my plan here.

Best of luck!

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One Year of Freedom!

“Imagine yourself doing what you love, and loving what you do, being happy from the inside out, experiencing your dreams wide awake, being creative, being unique, being you—changing things to the way you know they can be—living the life you always imagined. “ My husband Chet, June 14, 2019.

Just like that, a year went by!  I can’t believe it has been a whole year!  I remember the months and days just before my final day, how difficult they were, how I counted the minutes until I no longer had to worry, until I could finally be myself.  What have I learned this year about leaving a toxic work environment, breaking free, and living the life of my dreams?  Tons!  Here are some of the most important aspects of being an entrepreneur that I can no longer live without. Hope it helps if you are thinking of making the jump!

I am free to create my own vision.  When I was an employee, I needed to run every project and every idea by someone else, often someone who did not have my best interest at heart.  So many good projects went down the drain just because someone did not find them interesting enough.  Most of the time, my boss was more preoccupied with covering her own back than she was about moving the community forward.  It was very frustrating to say the least.  Now, I get to execute every plan and work on every idea.  I get to work on my ideals!  Do I want to travel around the world to promote an inclusive practice?  I can do that.  Do I want to talk to a radio host?  I can do that.  There are no restraints to how much I can contribute to this world.

Dr. Klimek at the Facebook forum in Brooklyn, NY

I can work-from-anywhere.  My work allows me to be able to work from anywhere, and I am embracing it wholeheartedly!  Not only am I embracing it, I’m actually working with partners from around the world, and it has been one of the greatest experiences of my life.  Do you want to have a better vision of what the world needs?  Partner with someone from a different part of the world.  As an employee, I had a very limited vision of what could be done around the globe.  No matter how much I traveled, without collaborative enterprise the world was small.  Now, the world is limitless, and I’m just getting started!

Working from Key West, FL

The sky is the limit.  Basically, I own my time, my thoughts, and my ideas.  I can do what I know is right and follow my heart without having to “run it by” anyone. I can respond to the needs of my community and use it as my guide to improve what I can offer. For better of for worse, I make my own decisions, and I control my own destiny.

Working from Key West, FL

I will be forever grateful to my family and friends who stood by me, listened to me, counseled me, believed in me. I’m a firm believer that when one person is successful doing what they love, we all win.

If you have any questions about making the transition from employee to entrepreneur, drop me a note.

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When the Bully is Your Boss: Breaking Free of Toxicity

It will soon be a whole year since I turned my life around. Yes, I broke free not only from my bully boss, but also from the bully mob: Those that were once my friends but preferred to secure a paycheck rather than their own dignity. My work week consisted of never ending work days that had no substance other than securing a paycheck.

Does this resonate with you? Since I left my job, I realized that breaking free from the bullies not only means planning your exit, but also dealing with the abuse in your own mind so that you can turn every obstacle into an opportunity. Does the bully tell you that you will never amount to anything? Amount to EVERYTHING: Be so successful that you exceed your own goals and expectations. Does the bully threaten you with your job security? Learn that no job is ever secure, and take steps to find security in work for yourself, not at the whims of someone else.

Turn every challenge into an opportunity!

The truth is, if you have become the bully’s target, it is possibly because you are actually perceived as a threat by the bully (Tip: If you have ever seen the movie Mean Girls, you will recognize this by the way that Regina George treats Cady). Bullies rarely pick on employees who they don’t perceive as targets: They pick on those that they perceive as threatening.

But even this is not a rule. There are bullies everywhere, and the workplace is not an exception. In fact, the Workplace Bullying Institute, 37 percent of American workers are targets of bullying, while nearly half (49%) are affected by it in one way or another (by witnessing it, for example). That is a really high number!

If you have been bullied at work, by your boss, none of these statistics will matter. What matters is to keep you sane, safe, and give you the tools to execute an exit plan, while you continue to work in a toxic environment. Yes, you will be gaining strength while planning the exit.

How do I know this? I did this myself. I tried everything to try to stay in my job of 21 years. It was a large department that brought me a lot of happiness the first 18 years of my work there. The last 3 years, however, were nothing but miserable.

In the end, I decided that the best alternative for me was to move on. I was very afraid that I would not be able to support myself, let alone be successful. So I crafted a careful plan and set it in motion. Here I am, almost a year later, much more successful than I could have imagined.

Do you want to know more about my experience and learn more about what you should do to finally break free of your bully boss? Sign up and I will keep you posted!

And please stay tuned as I prepare to launch a new feature as the one year anniversary of my entrepreneurship approaches: June 15.

Cheers!

Man and woman at a cafe
My husband and I enjoying the work-from-anywhere environment: Sitting at a cafe in Buenos Aires.

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Living a Life of Purpose: New Year Reflections

“I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face ” Sting, If I Ever Lose My Faith in You.

It seems somewhat incredible, unbelievable, that it has already been over 6 months since I cut ties with my employer of almost 22 years and became self-employed.  Let’s just say that the writing was on the wall, or rather, it had been on the wall for quite some time.  I had never been a firm believer in signs or the universe sending a message, or things of that nature,  but in this case, the message was loud and clear:  It was time to let go.

Now, I had always thought that if I was ever to leave my employer of so many years, it would be for something worthwhile.  In my case, “worthwhile” meant making the jump from employee to entrepreneur.  What I didn’t know at the time was that six months in, I was going to find so much happiness, fulfillment, and sense of purpose doing what I currently do.

 A year ago, I had insomnia, and  could not sleep for days, from the stress that my job caused me.  I lost weight and was put on medication to manage symptoms of PTSD.  This year, I lay awake at night just reflecting on the incredible things I get to live day by day.  Life has certainly changed, and I am extremely thankful to those who “wrote on my wall,” as they, in their quest to make my life impossible, managed to make it incredibly purposeful.  Sometimes the Universe does work in odd ways.

And if you think that money is the reason I’m saying all of this, you’re wrong.  Even though I have been very fortunate in that department, I can honestly say that the reason for this incredible emotion is the fact that for the first time in my life, I get to do, every single day, and every single moment of the day, what I believe in, what I love to do. 

These emotions became all the more clear in during the last two weeks of 2019.  Each end of the year and beginning of a new year tend to mark a tone of reflection.  This was especially true in my case, as I was able to spend those days making connections that will last a lifetime and will truly make the world a better place. I welcomed the new year in a completely incredible, positive, and new-for-me state of mind. 

I was also lucky, very, very lucky to be able to spend those days surrounded by family and friends, the kind that love you no matter what and support you always.  I could almost hear my late father whisper in my ear “I told you so,” so many times.  He will always be my guiding star and my inspiration.  He used to love the song by Sting “If I Ever Lose my Faith in You.”  We used to sing it together.

Dr. Klimek and her family

Dad, wherever you are, thank you for never losing your faith in me. Thank you for showing me the way, always.

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Listful Living: This book by Paula Rizzo will have you living your best life!

This post may contain affiliate links.  At no cost to you, I may get a commission if you click a link and make a purchase.

When I first saw this book’s title, Listful Living, I immediately thought “a book about making lists.  I’m in!”  I was captivated.  After all, who couldn’t be better organized?  More efficient?  As a new entrepreneur, I value efficient use of time, and completion of tasks in a timely manner. I also recognize that as I approach the 6-month mark as an entrepreneur, my responsibilities have only grown, but my 24-hour day has remained the same: Still 24 hours!

Little did I know that Listful Living was much more comprehensive than that.  If you think that you will be making “to-do lists,” please note that this is not what Listful Living is about. This book is about taking a realistic look at your life, evaluating it by being able to set your priorities, from top to bottom, and envisioning where you want to be a year from now.  This book is about action.

In fact, Listful Living has pages and pages of “homework” to help you visualize what’s already in your mind.  Putting it on paper is a kind of agreement with yourself, and it really helps to pinpoint where you are, where you want to be, and the way to get there. It sounds like work, but it will only save you time, energy, and will allow you to make your priorities a reality.

Listful Living by Paula Rizzo

As I read, I felt strongly connected to the author’s experiences, Paula Rizzo, as she described having visualized a better future for herself, realizing this future, and then having to step back to make room for her life and her priorities.  Sometimes, it takes a door closing to realize that the window was opened all along.  In Paula Rizzo’s case, it was a real health scare that landed her in bed for weeks.  In my case, it was the professional realization that if I stayed where I was, things would never change.  I had to produce the change myself. I had to BE that change.

Listful Living is the perfect gift for yourself, for busy moms and dads, for working parents, entrepreneurs, or simply anyone who wishes to improve their lives by being realistic, simplistic, and looking to a better, more fulfilling future.

Here’s to a more fulfilling, rewarding 2020!

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Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon: Life and Living

This post may contain affiliate links.

Like Dr. Jeneby, I also have a confession.  I wanted to read Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon even though it had no relation (or so I thought) with what I typically write about on this blog.  But then, I read the book, and I realized that this doctor’s outlook on life has more in common with mine than I want to admit.

For starters, in his book Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Jeneby refers to his childhood, his journey through school, his different, “one-of-a-kind” personality, that made him stand out, and all these things reminded me of my life.  Like Dr. Jeneby, I often felt like an “outsider,” whether in school or at work.  I mostly felt like the odd one out of the bunch.  I was never part of the “cool” clique, and most days I was called the “nerd.”  Dr. Jeneby talks very candidly about how this phase in his life gave him the fuel he needed to stay motivated and prove everyone wrong.  Like him, I do have an insatiable drive to show everyone what I can do, and in my case, what WE, as a special village, can do.  We have a similar story, even if on the surface it looks very different.

Dr. Jeneby is very close to his family and takes the opportunity to show us his life.  He credits his mother for providing the strong role modeling of a strong, motivated, professional woman.  Her strong guidance spearheaded him into a successful life, but the support of his family through thick and thin is what keeps him afloat. In Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Jeneby talks about his desire for success, his motivation, and his realization that he could only be himself if he worked for himself.  In this particular regard too, I felt connected to what he describes.  I spent so much time working for “others” when it didn’t suit me, that my only regret is not having set myself free sooner.

He dedicates a good amount of the book talking about his charity work, which he pours his heart into.  Like him, I cannot live without this aspect of my life, which is why I pour my heart into The Bocha Project.  Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon is the unveiling of a world that I you can only see in television programs like Botched, plus everything that comes with this world:  the craziness, the unstoppable hours, the constant running for time.  If you like to watch plastic surgery shows on television, you will definitely like Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon, and you will get to know an awesome professional as an added bonus.

Woman with face covered by a hat.
Confessions of a Plastic Surgeon

Treat yourself! 

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The Toxic Work Environment and PTSD

Yes, a toxic work environment can lead to PTSD (Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder).  We typically would not think of it, as this is usually what we hear when we refer to combat troops, people who have gone through severe trauma, or those who have experienced serious injury or abandonment.  But there is a category of people who have been showing up to their doctor’s office more and more these days, and that’s those who are being subjected to a toxic work culture.  These employees tend to exhibit symptoms similar to those who have experienced trauma. Why?  Because in reality, they are experiencing trauma!  There is no room to breathe when exposed to a pressure-cooker type of work environment.

What symptoms do employees present with that are cause for red flag?

Let’s name a few:

  1. Hypervigilance:  Employees feel like they are constantly “walking on eggshells,” not able to understand how to behave and having to account for other people’s feelings and emotions. 
  2. Problems concentrating: It is hard to focus when you don’t know when the next shoe is going to fall.  Fear is the enemy of concentration.
  3. Persistent negative feelings about oneself:  Feeling depressed sad, and helpless.
  4. Having nightmares, distressing dreams:  You repeat the distressing events over and over and as a consequence, you have difficulty sleeping.
  5. Difficulty sleeping (see above).
  6. Physiological symptoms:  Digestive issues, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, high blood pressure.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms above, or similar ones, you may be in a toxic work environment, and you need to figure out your next steps.

I thought of no better time to bring up these issues than right now.  Even though I have been free from this type of work bullying for almost three months now (Yayyy!), I still experience some of these symptoms, and I want to share them with you so that you don’t have to go through what I went through. 

In my old job, my boss(es) ganged up against employees, made them feel devalued, unwelcome, and unimportant.  I used to constantly have nightmares about events at work, a situation that many of my coworkers also shared with me.  Some of us had difficulty sleeping, eating, and experienced physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.  I actually experienced what it meant to be “disgusted” by a situation as my gut told me exactly what that was. 

I was lucky enough to seek the help of my primary health care provider.  When I told her what was happening and what I was feeling, she recognized the symptoms right away.  She let me cry for about 30 minutes, non-stop during that first visit.  She constantly checked on me to make sure that I was putting myself first.   I will be forever grateful to her for helping me understand that I need to take care of me

This is the message that I want to leave with you today:  Remember, your number one responsibility is to YOURSELF

Girl crying by a rained on window.
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Entrepreneurship Chronicles: Month Two. Reflections of quitting your 9 to 5 job.

“All we have to do now, is take these lies, and make them true somehow” George Michael, Freedom.

I have been trying to write this post (and others) for a few days now, but the truth is, it has been a very busy month!  It is very interesting, because one of the concerns I had before my last day of being an employee was letting go of what many people refer to as a “secure paycheck.”  I had done my homework, however, and I knew from many entrepreneurs in the field that a good life, with a work-life balance, independence, and professionalism, and of course, good monetary compensation to go along with the package, was entirely possible. Of course, even though this is a legitimate concern, it is one that seems to be exaggerated by our fears and the fears of our well-meaning family members and friends around us.  In the end, the only regret I have about having left my job as an employee, is that I didn’t do it sooner.

As a matter of fact, this month has been a month of learning for me (as every month should be!) and I would like to share some tips for those of you who are contemplating a change, whether you have already made a decision to quit your 9 to 5 job, or are still contemplating your options.

  1. Leaving your current 9 to 5 job is risky, but so is staying:  If there is one common element to my reflections about my departure from the NYC Department of Education, it that I didn’t do it any sooner.  It was quite evident that our working relationship was not working.  On the surface, we managed, to a degree, to make it look like we had the same mission, but behind closed doors, our philosophies could not be more different.  I worked for a division within the department that believed that efficiency was equated with taking care of our clients (families and their children) in the shortest time possible, with minimal contact, and treated families and school personnel as “suspicious” every time there was an issue.  I had a boss that once asked me to talk to a school principal to get details about a certain situation in a school.  When the school principal explained the situation via email (corroborated by other school personnel), my boss responded by saying: “She sounds too defensive.  She must be lying,” and proceeded to make a decision based on her assumption that the school principal, and the other school personnel, lied about the occurrence.
  2. If you are asked to do, witness, or are aware of illegal or immoral acts, leave immediately and don’t look back:  You can try reporting what you were asked to do to the Human Resources department, or the legal department, but in my case, I was under the impression that they were not going to help me for many reasons.  My last boss once demanded, at a staff meeting, that counselors who directly deal with families of school-age children not spend more than 15 minutes with every family.  However, she said, there is an exception to this rule.  “Unless the person you are seeing is important or famous,” she said, and told the staff that the lady she had seen for about an hour that very week was a famous actress on Broadway that had given her two tickets to her show as a gift for her undivided attention.  I think back to this moment and know that this is when I should have left.  Not a minute later.
  3. Being an employee does not mean a secure paycheck:  Yes, as long as you are employed, you will get a paycheck, but this will end the moment that someone decides that they no longer need you.  I have heard of too many people who lost their jobs from one day to the next, without a warning.  No one is safe in any job, with any employer.  I was once having a conversation with a senior administrator from the NYC Department of Education, who told me that Human Resources and some of the senior administrator of a particular department had devised a plan to “get rid of” an employee who they no longer wanted.  They were going to keep “writing her up” until she got tired and resigned.  She did resign. (Hence the reason I opted to not contact the Human Resource Department).
  4. Being self-employed means that you can put your own skills to the test.  When you are employed, you are satisfying somebody else’s vision, but when you are self-employed, you are free to create your own vision, and contribute to this world in your own terms.  You are free to not only help others the best way you know how, but you are also free to earn as much as you want, work the hours you want, and do it from wherever you want.  The choice is yours.

Know that there are resources out there if you need help deciding if it’s time to leave. One of the institutions that helped me the most was the Workplace Bullying Institute. They helped me realize that quitting, for me, was the most powerful, and life changing decision.

I’m glad I did!

Dr. Klimek

What a working brunch looks like today!

If you have any questions about this topic or any topic on this blog, please drop me a note.